Ever Resisting the Fall

my heart pounds, my hands feel the blood rush, the rips and tares become more visible as I feel the memories come flooding back. I am surrounded by visions of the past and impossible futures. my throat constricts and I feel my stomach drop my thoughts go in uncontrollable directions. am I worth it? Do I deserve this? Did he leave the situation? Or was it me? I don't want to let anyone in But I need people to see me To understand that I cannot be me I've stood alone too long I can't do it much longer But I'm too much for anyone I push too far and I fall apart The pounding becomes stronger The blood rushing faster The pain becomes blinding and incapacitating memories become a blur The need for red comes The flowing and the ebb of pain The desire doesn't soften Instead it grows to unbearable heights threatening to drop me on the mistakes of my past