Rain pouring down

The rain rips out my bleeding heart
As tears stream down my face
Choices that once seemed so far
Are finally in the race
My heart's pieces are falling to dust
The red is rushing in
The rain keeps pouring down around
Every dream comes to an end
Nightmares become reality
Never a break in sight
The rushing never stops completely
Ending seems so right
Light so hard it's crushing
Truth so sharp it's cutting
Blades and figures come together
Dancing in elegant promise
Nothing good shall come
Nothing right shall follow
For as long as I keep fighting
Everything seems so shallow
Promises, people, future, profession
Never resting odds
For all the things that happened
Nothing comes to my favour
Stop fighting for a second
Question just one glance
Everything ripped from my hands
As though it never exists
The rain is pouring down
My woes are filling up
The crimson that once promised relief
No longer enough

One in the same

As the night falls
My body move
The desire for hands
Spins, dips, and twirls
A want to be held close
For the passion to spill into movement
The dance floor a stage
A place for my emotions to spill into your hands
A moment where I can place complete trust in you
A lifetime of wishes and dreams answered
The time in your arms wrap around
Securely assuring
Knowing if I fell apart
you'd be there to help me find the pieces
Knowing that your breath on my neck, a promise
Those hands on my waist, protective
That kiss on my mouth, no deception
My heart beats speed up
as I take the fall into your arms
Knowing that I'm safe
My heart rate matching yours
Trying to be in sync with you
My hand reaches up
Touching that which I love
Lovingly holding that which I long for
I feel you lead
I follow
Because I know
No matter where you take me,
As long as you're there,
I'll be safe
Physically
Emotionally
Mentally
Because I can trust my broken pieces in your hands.
I know that you're meant to be here,
For is the only thing that feels right
That night where we're dancing
For that night we can be one in the same

Stripped Bare

looking in the mirror

tearing away the fear

all the walls

all the things screening 

looking at the heart and soul

finding strength

seeing beauty

hard working

caring and freeing

trips away

finding the truth beneath

holding on

looking up

seeing forward

backwards clear

all that hope

pulling near

finding strength

wishing truth

finding solace

in my youth

looking back

no longer longing

grateful for strength

no longer wallowing 

who I am shinning through

no reason to hide the truth

beauty and confidence clear again

desiring to help my friends

hopeful heartbeats

dreading pain

but no longer drowning in the agony

Found my own strength

Care about me.

Finding more within the truth

than any reality
no longer needing
those around me
strength within
stronger than anything outside of me
so this is what I get 
for spending 3 weeks stripping myself bare
I found me underneath that mess
what life and expectations tried to define as me
I found instead the true strength from me
from the teacher
the friend
from the adult
the child
the caring and loving individual
that I have always been
Who I will always be
I just need to keep growing
So that I can find the best me

finding strength within yourself is like finding spring.
New Growth
New hope
and the end to a dreary time where you once relied on the winter of others.

Torn between

Torn between what's right and what feels right
The logic and the passion
The feelings in turmoil with my thoughts
Too far yet too close
How could I trust you the most?
Wanting
Craving
Dreading
Hoping
Not quite at that point
Not giving in
Never giving up
Hopeful
Fearful
Silent
The pounding
The ripping
Torn between
Who you are and where you are
Wanting to help
Wanting you
Heart refuses to believe the truth
Everyday one step closer
Two directions
I'm torn between

First in a while

The hole is back, the first in a while
Most likely not the last
The loneliness
Sadness
Surrounded
Feeling entirely alone
Waiting to hear
Pausing my life
Begging to feel that home again
Wondering if you're real
Starting to think I'm a lie
All that attention all for nothing
Can't stop thinking
But starting to fade
That feeling
The memories
Just like with HIM
All that I had with him slowly fades as well
But I didn't think I'd loose you this fast
I keep hoping
Every time the phone rings
I hope it's you
My heart skips a beat thinking of you,
Yet you've disappeared
And taken hope with you
I miss you
I want to know you
Please come back to me
I don't want to abandon hope
Dearie my sweet dearie
I miss you, please help me feel home

The truth through my eyes

Looking through my photos most wouldn't notice the dead eyes that I see...
most will never notice that the spark of life in my eyes is gone...
no one sees the pain lurking behind that perfect smile...
so many lies, so much deceit...
but who really can see behind the mask that I put up...
who really can see me through the pain in my eyes...
behind that pure chocolate the cannot lie....
the hazel mix no longer in sight...
The green all gone...
Will it every return?
Or forever will I be haunted by my non lying eyes?

What has happened here?

For months I pinned
I wept
I sobbed
And missed
I slowly moved forward
Feeling no movement
Stuck or spiraling
Never knowing
Then once over
Made the mistake
Broken hearted
Scared
Found another
Mistake or no?
Desires of home
Finding peace
But moments of fear
Entirely surrounded
By confusion
Contradictions
And the misty shadows
Still searching
Wondering
"What has happened here?"

Whispers

Crushing

Crushing disappointment
Crushing responsibility
Crushing hopes and dreams
But never the reality
Not in my own world
Forever surrounded
Real moments invading
Never dissipating
Pain erasing
Memories wasting
Sharp knives
Endless nightmare
Awake surrounded
Never ending
Sleep evading
Moments
Crushing
Me...

Everything to me

You used to hold me up
Be my strength
Be the one to follow
When the world was so scary
you were my rock
You were my baby
Everything in my life
My future
My past
My heart
My life
My whole world
You were my balance point
The one grounding me to earth
You were the one I cared for
The one I held at night
Hugged every morning
Now with you gone
You still are my everything
My thoughts in the morning
My last waking dream
My memories
And my past
You consume me
The loss of you
Surrounds my waking moments
Haunts me in my dreams
Wishing for your strong arms
That comfort and safety
Everything surrounds like a crushing mountain of regret
The stabbing
Slices my only release
The flowing and ebbing
Never releasing me from this nightmare
Constantly homesick
For a place I'm never sure I can return
Just longing for your warmth
Constantly missing you
But no matter how I feel
"I'll love you forever
I'll love you for always
As long as you'll have me
Your baby I'll be..."