What has happened here?

For months I pinned
I wept
I sobbed
And missed
I slowly moved forward
Feeling no movement
Stuck or spiraling
Never knowing
Then once over
Made the mistake
Broken hearted
Scared
Found another
Mistake or no?
Desires of home
Finding peace
But moments of fear
Entirely surrounded
By confusion
Contradictions
And the misty shadows
Still searching
Wondering
"What has happened here?"

Whispers

Crushing

Crushing disappointment
Crushing responsibility
Crushing hopes and dreams
But never the reality
Not in my own world
Forever surrounded
Real moments invading
Never dissipating
Pain erasing
Memories wasting
Sharp knives
Endless nightmare
Awake surrounded
Never ending
Sleep evading
Moments
Crushing
Me...

Everything to me

You used to hold me up
Be my strength
Be the one to follow
When the world was so scary
you were my rock
You were my baby
Everything in my life
My future
My past
My heart
My life
My whole world
You were my balance point
The one grounding me to earth
You were the one I cared for
The one I held at night
Hugged every morning
Now with you gone
You still are my everything
My thoughts in the morning
My last waking dream
My memories
And my past
You consume me
The loss of you
Surrounds my waking moments
Haunts me in my dreams
Wishing for your strong arms
That comfort and safety
Everything surrounds like a crushing mountain of regret
The stabbing
Slices my only release
The flowing and ebbing
Never releasing me from this nightmare
Constantly homesick
For a place I'm never sure I can return
Just longing for your warmth
Constantly missing you
But no matter how I feel
"I'll love you forever
I'll love you for always
As long as you'll have me
Your baby I'll be..."